Sunday, 22 February 2015

Heart Like Yours

Heart like yours

I would love to write about you, about us. But it seems like there is almost nothing to us or it is what it seems that there would always be something as long as one person writes about it. There is no label to us, no definition, no love even. for a heart like yours that would never settle, constantly fluttering with eyes for everyone, i can't love. with no security, no reassurance and no direction. how can a heart like yours love a heart like mine? there is no clarity, no resurrection. my head and my heart is in a mess when its you. it was always known i felt something more but not when it comes to you. you picked me up when i fell down. you were there through all my highs and lows. you know me more than any could ever since she left.

i opened to you and i don't just always do to anyone. it is hard. it seems like you love prying open hearts and knowing souls then you grow bored and just throw them aside all the time. but this ought to come an end. the past few months were good while it lasted. we were the greatest friends who grew too comfortable in each other's presence and knowing each other too much that it feels like we knew each other for a really long time. but just like every passing best friendship i had, this has to end too. not that we would want it to end, but with time and distance, it fades away. it gets bland just like what happened with her and i will let it go too. i will let you go.

The touching, wanting to hold hands and kisses, will be something that i may never figure out but just my own self-concluded meanings. maybe you just wanted to try things out with me because you haven't done them for a long time. you wanted to do them with no meaning, no love, like its just some empty, meaningless touch. before i go because you think it wouldn't hurt, it wouldn't mean. we may never meet again anyway. you probably just wanted to cuddle and fuck. but that is not going to happen anyway. not with no love because that is a slut.

Maybe we just gotta keep each other with no clingyness. Like maybe one day, you will say you're coming over. All of you. or maybe we will go somewhere else in the world. without all the misunderstandings and misconceptions we had before. or maybe we won't. we will all just slowly fade away and away and away. to the point that we may never meet again till many years down the road, when we are all grown and we meet coincidentally along the streets, on the road, somewhere we never thought we would.

Maybe i am stuck in a misconception. i have never loved and felt loved. Love is something i can't quite comprehend but all i know as of now is pain and bliss in songs and movies and books. i can't deny for a long while, i was a grey soul, empty, lonely. then you came along. all of them came along. and my life was filled with colors. it was an explosion. i was happy, i was smiling, i was laughing, i was crazy hyper enthu. i loved who i was. but that was because of people. people are my chain reaction. my antidote to being happy. i was always happy around you. you make me happy. very happy. the days with you in it were the best and maybe that's why i think i like you. you picked me up, you understood, you knew. i was high. but that was that and this is now. and i got to let it all go.

You left me with no words, no letters, no reassurance. But I will never forget how you cried the most when you read the letter and when I left.

It was good while it lasted.

but that is all that there is ever going to be.


Tuesday, 28 October 2014


Sometimes, love is unfair. The more you sacrifice, the more you get hurt. And when you've given your best to someone you love, it seems not enough.

I don't know where to start writing this. What makes me so different from the rest? Why do I always the one being treated like shit even though I've given everything to make you the happiest person alive. Maybe not, but I am trying.

To begin, it was great. But slowly, I started to feel ignored. I learnt more things about her that made me realised all our differences and maybe, maybe I thought that we could work things out and accept each others' in our lives. I fully understand everything she's been through and accept all her decisions with due respect. She might not be ready for relationship now and it probably wasn't her priority at this moment of time.

It had come to my realisation that I am starting to be scared. To be scared to tell you I want you, to be scared to tell you, I love you. To be scared to even tell you, I miss you. It's so hard to hear something nice from you, to me. Few months back before I stepped in, it wasn't like this. You would compliment your crush on how much of a sweetheart they were, how lovely their voice is or how handsome and cute they are. And when it comes to me, I felt hurt. But I gotta accept everything and just bury everything inside me because I still want you in my life.

Simple enough, but yet so difficult. How do you begin to tell someone what they mean to you without getting replies that made you feel like every single thing you've done for that person just wasn't good enough. I guess the reason I've been keeping quiet about it is that maybe I loved the guarantee that if I didn't mention anything, then i could always stay close to you. Even if it was just as a friend. Such a twisted thought, but I knew deep in my heart somehow, I always wanted you to be a part of my life.
And no matter how much I wanted to be an "us". Deep down, I know it is going to be hard and I wasn't gonna jeopardize your happiness. I know you are broken. I am too. But if you really want me to be a part of your life, pick up my pieces like how I picked up yours. I appreciate every single thing you've said or done. Though it wasn't great or something sweet, but just receiving a good morning from you is enough to make me smile and to keep on fighting for 'us'. Sometimes I wonder if being a jerk or a douchebag is able to make you love me even more, I'll be one. But I can't because it's just not right. I rather you'd leave me with just "I don't have feelings for you" than "You're a jerk".
But it seems like the jerks are the one getting your attention and it sucks for me.

It's so embarrassing that I cannot be strong enough to tell you this but I can write it all down on a screen you will probably never see. This is my comfort zone for now. I am not going to say I love you as much as before anymore, unless you really do love me. I still feel the barrier you have against me. Or you never actually gotten over him. I guess I am never good enough for you, or anyone. And secretly, the little brave part left inside of me, is silently telling you the last time:

I love you.

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Meeting You

There was a time when I wanted to stop things from happening. I was desperate and confused at the same time. I wanted to talk to someone who could help me and save me from this darkness. It was then, I met you and you entered my life and gave me this incredible feeling which changed my life.

I wouldn't say it was love at first sight, but when I first saw her, it felt weird. All I wanted to do was to hug her and tell her how beautiful she is. Got to know her better and she was just this cheerful, strong girl that were once broken but never gave up. And I know exactly how it feels to be this way.  When we first met, I felt like I had known you forever. We shared secrets and you listened to me. Who would have thought from all those little talks, we would become more than just friends.

I love the way we are together, you can always make me smile no matter what. I am never ashamed to show you to the world. I hope this never dies off. I guess I will have to wait awhile because time will reveal what lies ahead of us. But always remember what I have said. Meeting you has changed my life and I really love you. I will never let go of the feelings I feel for you. Remember me always no matter what happened in the future, because I will too. I will always think of me and you.

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Help Me

I'm so sick. So sick of acting like I'm okay and like I'm the happiest person alive. I feel like I can't say anything because there's people out there who have it worse than me. Yes, I realise that and i sympathise but I really can't help the way I feel.

I really can't help the way I feel, all I want is someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay, is that too much to ask for? I'm keeping so much bottled inside that I will randomly start crying. No one listens to me anymore so there's really no point sharing my sorrows. I dealt with it all by myself, and when I thought I'm over it, I find myself looking through your pictures and I breakdown again. I was scared and I didn't know what was wrong with me. 

I thought I was worth more than that. I thought I wouldn't be replaced so easily. But no, you replaced me as though what we had was nothing. 

"I wish we could go back under the trees when we were fifteen, I wish life wasn't complicated. I wish we could fall into sweet, all consuming love and I wouldn't be scared of all this happening."

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

When Our Hearts Are Heavy Burdens, We Shouldn’t Have To Bear Alone.

‘don’t go to bed yet, love, I think it’s early, and we just need a little time to ourselves.’
when the song played, I swear I tried not to feel that crazy heartbeat pumping in me.

Because you were right beside me when I showed you the song that night, I just felt so warm and fuzzy in the inside.
Nerdy, do you remember? When all I could do was hug my legs tightly and cry, and tell you how sorry I was? I really meant it. 

Maybe you thought it was all words and no actions because you were giving me smiles and talked in a cute voice, but I just really don’t know how to express it. I may act like I don’t care most of the time, but whenever I see someone else try and cheer you up I get all hot with regret and jealous in the inside. I hate that feeling. I really want to help you but in the end you’ll always bottle everything up to yourself.
Do you know? Everytime you link arms/ hold hands/ hug/kiss/share secrets with xxx, all I could do is bleed inside? yet on the outside I’ll just give a wide smile and laugh along. 

Fuck it I really fucking hate it. I fucking hate it we don’t do that to each other anymore. It’s fucking killing me everytime I think of it, even typing this behind the computer screen, I’m tearing.
I miss you. I miss being by your side, I miss hugging you like we always do, I miss late night phone calls, I miss heart to heart talks, I miss being alone with you, I miss you hitting my head for no good reason, I miss you. Really, I miss you.

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Live Like The Last


I saw your tweet about telling story about yourself or loved one, so I just wanna share my life story to others. I don't want them to make the same mistake as I did.

I used to have a girlfriend earlier this year. We got together around October last year until June this year. We loved each other very much but her parent doesn't approve of our love for an unknown reasons which I don't think I will ever know and because of this, our relationship became very unstable. We quarrelled quite often and have a little misunderstood of each other. She was my everything since last year October. i lost my dad and i quarrelled with my friends. She was there for me when I needed her. Even I didn't treat her that great, sometimes I even scolded her. But after few months passed I realized she was the right girl and the best I ever have. In May which is our exam period before we entered University, we both stop quarrelling and care about each other more and more. I love her more than I imagined. After exam, we went back to each other country. Nothing gone wrong. I love her even more and planned many events and surprise for her. 
But thing changed as my mom told me that i could go to Switzerland to study Hospitality management as it was my dream rather than doing Commerce in Australia. But in the end, I decided to give up on my dream because my girlfriend was my dream. I thought she was the right one and everything gonna be perfect.

However, Few days after that, My lovely girlfriend broke up with me as she said she think her parents never ever gonna accept me and she doesn't wanna lie to her parents anymore. And everything ended just like that.
All the plans, present and events that I do turned to dust and invalid. 

Until now, it have been 4 months since we broke up, she is already over me while i still trying to get over her. It haunted me every night how I treated her badly at first. If I did always treat her good, I might not feel this regret all over my chest.

I just want you to read this story and give a lesson to those who follow your blog that enjoy most of the time that you have with love one, live like it gonna be last day with them because you never know when they gonna leave you.

And 1 more thing, just want others not to make same mistake as I did. Don't ever let anyone influence you in deciding something big for yourself. If not i might be following my dream in Switzerland right now. I could still go but since i'm already inside University in Australia, i wanna to finish it here and then go for master in Switzerland.

All true story,


One of your followers :

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Trip To Covo

I had been wanting a change of hair color for the longest time, ever since my old dyed colors had faded away into an unflattering hybrid palette of black and brown. I rarely patronise other salons besides the one close to my place as I have always been extremely particular regarding how my hair would be fixed by another party. However, I decided I should give it a shot and mustering all my courage, I went to Covo Hair Salon, located at 43 Keong Saik Road.

Coming into Covo, I was heartily greeted in Japanese by the hairdressers at work. They were so friendly they made me feel at ease immediately upon entering. I was held in awe by the beautiful interior of the salon. It also made me feel like I was in Japan myself- As all the hairstylists and hairdressers were true-blue Japanese and so were a wide majority of the customers from their salon!

Shortly after, they attended to me and presented me with an array of possible hair colors I would be interested in getting dyed. I could voice out my likes, dislikes and expectations, and they would graciously and humbly respect my opinions and provide more suggestions. They would also not hesitate to speak their mind if one of the colors I had chosen would not look flattering on me- and in turn, I too graciously accepted their words from both professionalism and experience. It was a joy discussing merrily away from the sweltering heat, and in the end me and the hair experts agreed upon a combination of Green, Blue, Turquoise and Purple.

My designated hairdresser was Maika. Just as all the hair experts there were, she was patient, cheerful and very attentive. They also served iced green tea to us, and Maika took careful notice in refilling my drink when I was done with it. During the dying process meticulously handled by Maika, I was pleasantly surprised that the dyes used by Covo are from Manic Panic as it is a brand that I, as well as many of you, would be familiar with.

One other unique thing I really like about Covo is that they use Carbonated Spring Water for shampoo services for all their customers. I learnt that Carbonated Spring Water is an extremely effective way of getting rid of grime and dirt from the pores on your head as compared to regular water, thus generating healthier hair! If you haven't gotten enough out of Covo's Carbonated Spring Water, Covo conveniently has Carbonated products for sale so you will be able to achieve the same fabulous results at home! 

Also, I am pleased to share with you that there are no extra charges for the usage of Carbonated Spring Water during your shampoo sessions! Judging from their service standards, their expertise and their professional services, Covo really is the epitome of a first class hair salon and a luxury for your hair!


Have you been waiting for a new hairdo or a new hair color for too long? You can easily reach Covo from Outram MRT Station to Keong Saik Road. I have indicated the full address at the end of this post.  Hungry any time after or before your hair makeover? Covo is located in a trendy and happening area, whether day or night - New bars, boutique hotels, restaurants and others are opening every month. 

Here's a fun fact about COVO:

COVO means "hiding place" in Italian. Why hiding place? This is because each hair dressing counter is separated by partitions, ensuring more private space for you all in the hopes that you will enjoy the beautifying process and enjoy yourself to your heart's content. All of the hairstylists are qualified hair experts from Japan with TOP CLASS techniques, skills and services from working in Tokyo! See- you can still have a piece of Japan in sunny Singapore!

One more thing I just have to share with you about Covo is that they DO NOT charge any extra fees at all for services such as price based on your hair length or the appointing of specific stylists. So if you have long hair, you do not have to be afraid of any extra charges! Rapunzel could even get her hair cut in Covo for the same price as any other length if she wants. ISNT THAT AWESOME? 

Just in case you are looking for a wider experience, I have taken the liberty of writing down the services provided (Because I love my readers very much) Covo's services also include Cut, Color, Perm, Digital Perm, Straightening + Curl, Rebonding, Kids Cut, Manic Panic Coloring, Treatment, Carbonated Head Spa and other set menus which you can inquire from them!

For all the new customers that are interested in Covo's hair services, they are offering you 20% off for your very 1st visit! (Promotion does not apply to product purchase)

Here's a gift from me and Covo to all my readers out here! Quote "Billy FB Post" to enjoy a $100 offer when you order Manic Panic vivid hair colouring menu! This means you get a $100 off for a single color dye and/or a 1-area coloring! Can you believe it? The usual price is $250-$400 so its a definite steal! Covo is offering this promotion, valid till the end of September! 

43 Keong Saik Road S089147
Tel: 6221-4585
Opening Hours: Mon, Wed-Fri. 10:00-20:00, Sat, Sun & PH 10:00-19:00.
Closed: Tuesdays.